Something’s In the Air Tonight…And it Stinks!

I don’t know why I keep watching Michael Mann movies. I see the well-edited previews and all-star casts and become convinced that this time will be different, that I’ll see something great instead of the lengty absurdity of Collateral, the bloated, pretentiousness of Heat, and the obnoxious film school flair of The Insider.

The previews for Miami Vice, Mann’s big screen adaptation of the hit 1980’s TV show he created, looked good. So like a moron, I was in the packed movie theater, waiting for that summer blockbuster rush that never arrived. I have no idea why studio executives think Mann is a go-to-guy for summer fare. He’s so serious and so concerned with setting a scene and establishing grit that his movies lack coherency or, far more important, fun. (If you want proof, the theatergoers and I walked out in silence afterwards. That’s great if the movie is United 93, not a movie expected to draw the young adult crowd for summer.)

The first action scene doesn’t come until an hour and a half into the two-hour affair. What preceeds that is sleep-inducing: Miami cops Sonny Crockett (Colin Farrell) and Ricardo Tubbs’ (Jamie Foxx) deep undercover activites as drug runners is dominated by set-up, meetings in humid rooms and parking garages, and drug jargon. Wow. The movie’s finale makes it apparent that there will be a sequel, which I can only hope will mean plenty of well-lit shots of staff meetings and filing.

Adding to the frustration, Crockett starts a fling with his boss’s right-hand lady (Gong Li, Memoirs of a Geisha and 2046). The romance is a failure on two fronts: it pads the movie, and the actors have zero chemistry. Gong Li’s English is choppy and sometimes inaudible; Farrell, in a lame attempt to add attitude, delivers his line in a rasp that sounds like he’s in constant need of a cough drop. And what’s with his look? Throughout the movie, Farrell sports long blondish hair and a droopy mustache that makes him look like Mike Piazza and George Michael’s love child.

Aside from Farrell and his outlandish attire, no one stands out here. Crockett and Tubbs might as well be accountants with weapons for all the charisma they show alone or together. And how come no one can create a good villian anymore? There are several of them in the movie and none are particularly notable. Perhaps it’s because everyone (good and bad guys) acts the same–intense and irritable.

I know the movie is covering cops on deep undercover, where one mistake could mean death. However, the lack of personality and fun in Miami Vice is downright palpable. Mann thinks the same serious attitude that has worked to some degree in previous films like The Insider is applicable in every other genre. Miami Vice shows the faultiness of that logic. I think I’ve finally learned my lesson.

Rating: ** (out of four)