If William Shakespeare, John Woo, Mel Brooks and the RZA ever dropped acid and decided to do a play in my backyard with Spanky, Alfalfa and the kids from Our Gang, the result would be “The Jaded Assassin”.

This is a 70 minute giggle filled, transcendently violent Kung Fu masterpiece that makes the most inventive use of stage space I’ve ever had the pleasure to experience. The story itself is an old one I’m sure you’re all familiar with:

Young, half breed orphan raised to be the greatest warrior of her generation heads out to seek her fortune after a mysterious plague wipes out her entire tribe. She kicks much ass, struggles with some MAJOR anger issues, and deals with love lost.

Along the way she finds herself embroiled with a nation cursed to wage eternal civil war, confronts a jealous nemesis, hangs out with a water boy with serious Daddy issues and continues to kick much ass. In the end there’s a Hitchkockian plot twist from outta nowhere and yet even more of the twice aforementioned ass kicking.

The plot unfolds through the voice of a narrator punctuated by the beats of a wicked talented Taiko drummer. They flank opposite sides of the stage and immerse the audience in a cozy campfire story intimacy.

Like all great Kung Fu there is little dialogue. The actors portray their characters through hilarious pantomimes and a series of fight sequences that unfold with all the grandeur of a ballet.

The staging of the battles was nothing short of artistic genius and truly stretched the boundaries of stage combat to a level I never imagined possible. (without a million dollar budget) One of the coolest effects was having actors behind a screen shadow dancing a sequence of stabbings, dismemberments, and a beheading. One memorable fight piece combined classic karate moves with blistering break dancing moves.

There was one beautiful sequences where the actors’ sheer physical virtuosity coupled with strobe lighting created a cinema like scene of flight and slow motion brawling. This play also displayed the kookiest use of props since a little show called: Puppetry of the Penis.

The choreography wasn’t perfect, like you would see in a film. Nor should it have been. What “The Jaded Assassin” gives to the audience is the giddy joy of indulging in a guilty pleasure. The whole thing is pure camp, an intricately structured joke without irony or mean spiritedness shared wholeheartedly with the performers and audience alike. Just, you know, with a body count higher than “Saving Private Ryan”.

One for the Perverts:

(you know who you are!)

If you sit in the front on either the extreme left or right you’ll get some sweet extended side boob action in the first few minutes. Oh, and spend $5 to get the hot apple cider with a shot of Bacardi- it’s a good time.

SEE THIS SHOW BEFORE IT CLOSES!
YOU’LL THANK ME LATER